DAY ELEVEN! 30 Days of Empowering Choice

So for the past few days, we talked about the simple, often even easy, moment where you discover your fear, and boom, 5-4-3-2-1, you know what you have to do. And certainly practice this as much as you can, so you get stronger in taking action, from faith, right away. 


And then, life is often more complicated. Often, you make a decision, you are moving forward, pushing through your fears, but the fear is haunting you, or preventing you from continuing in a powerful way. For example, some months ago I was dating someone, and we had a slight miscommunication or misunderstanding of some sort. For whatever reason we couldn’t get on the phone, but we were texting back and forth. At some point, I realized I wasn’t being totally authentic, and despite fear of him not approving or being annoyed with me, I knew I had to be vulnerable and voice my truth. So, I did, without hesitation. I basically shared something I discovered within myself, and apologized if that was affecting him negatively. And then, the texting stopped. And in that moment, I still felt good, I knew that was something I needed to share, and I knew him and I were at a place where we could share about it/speak about it. But then, still no answer. The next morning, still no answer. And soon, that powerful vulnerable moment of truth, became this excruciating vulnerable day and a half of waiting for my fate. At that point, I felt as though all the power was in his hands. Like I had just handed him my heart and he got to decide what to do with it. And I was hanging on for dear life, like please be nice to it. haha! 


So what became of this, was a new context. A context is essentially your perspective of the circumstance. Your story about what is actually going on. This often includes assumptions about others, personal biases or doubts, as well as facts and truths. A context is sort of like a filter, through which you see everything. Sort of like (corny I know) an instagram filter, context doesn’t just change one or two specific details, it covers the whole thing. It might be a light filter, but it changes every single part of the picture, for you. 


So in my example, after a couple hours of not hearing from him, I was living in the context of - “he knows what he’s doing and I don’t. I am being too attached, or too much for him, and I shouldn’t have done that. blah blah blah”. So what now? How do we get out of this trap?


Switch the context. I realized that I was living in this false reality, that I had created over night “waiting” for him. This fake reality of he is all powerful and intelligent and wise, and I am just a needy little girl. But actually, I believed what I wrote to him, it was an important part of me, and him not answering to it doesn’t make it any less true or relevant for me, and for our continued relationship. So in that moment, I switched it. I switched back to acknowledging myself for being open and vulnerable, and realized that perhaps that wasn’t something he was yet capable of or ready for, and that it’s ok if he needs to handle it in whatever way he does. But my context totally flipped back to “I am honest and open, and this is the type of relationship I want to build. I am committed to that.” 


Not only did my angst about what he would say disappear, but of course, within minutes of this context switch, he wrote me back apologizing and saying how wonderful I was. lol. That last part is just the cherry on top right, because at that point, I no longer needed him to validate my action, but the point is that with my context shift, I was able to continue to move through my fear, and stay firm in what I really believed in. And regardless, being yourself and standing in what you believe in, is always going to create the best outcome, even if that means someone isn’t right for you. (<—Tough one for me!). 


So perhaps take a look at moments in your life, or even in your day, where your worries get in your way, and look at the context through which you are seeing the situation. Remind yourself why you’re doing it, and be willing to let go of the attachment to the outcome, to actually be true to you. 


This is a big one so we will come back to it for a couple of days, and feel free to ask me questions :).