Good morning! I am up early this morning reading and getting ready to leave for my yoga retreat! I am so excited.
So I realized something a few days ago, and I’ve started noticing it on a bigger scale. A few weeks ago I just started wanting to wake up earlier, take my time drinking tea and reading, before I go off running to my day. Those of you that know me, know that mornings are not my thing. 6 am? Are you crazy? For years I would go as far to say that I almost pride myself on not being a morning person. It is a great excuse to be grump for half the day haha!
With my new urge to wake up early, I, for some reason, am just not craving coffee as much. I’ve been drinking coffee pretty much everyday since I was 16, so this too is a huge change. But what’s interesting is every morning for a few weeks, I would find myself going to make coffee, realizing I don’t want it, and making it anyway. Looking deeper, I realized that’s because I have it that I’m not a functioning person without coffee. I associate coffee with making me a good person for that day, and without it, I cannot be trusted. And even about half way through the day if I’m feeling grumpy and tired - coffee will do the trick!
On one hand, I’m thankful that this is just coffee, not a serious drug or a more directly dangerous addiction, but on the other hand - how RIDICULOUS!!!! Since realizing this 5 days ago, I’ve had coffee once, and that’s because a friend bought it for me in a meeting. When I got tired mid-day, I had a tea, or did some gentle yoga or restful meditation. I got centered, rather than throwing substance at the problem.
Of course this got me thinking - how else do we do this? Yesterday I had a momentary freak out when something didn’t go as planned for my retreat that begins on Thursday, and I had to ask myself why a small mishap had me so stressed. I discovered that it was the same thing. Like if everything goes as planned - that the retreat will be successful. This shipment that didn’t come in time - was my retreat coffee. But what’s the truth? The truth is that I am responsible for being great throughout the day, not coffee. The truth is that I am responsible for facilitating a group of women who have trusted me with their weekend, and their money. The truth is, that I am fully capable, and by putting the blame AND credit, on whether or not I’ve had coffee, is to short change my power.
I’ll admit, it was a little scary, as I realized my FULL responsibility for what I want to create, whether that my day to day life, or one of my (so far) biggest passions in life - this retreat. But here I am, on the other side, FULLY capable, worthy, and ready.
*Note, as always - this stuff can be really subtle. Notice in what ways you block yourself, from yourself. Imagine a world where you are the master of your life, in every way.