Good morning and happy Friday!
How did yesterday go? The example I gave is a common one, but there are so many more - I’d love to hear from you about what you discovered. Is anyone struggling to find things? Or struggling with a bigger decision? (I mean, I know I am at all times haha).
So, I was talking with a friend yesterday who was uncertain about a decision she was making. The motive behind option a, was based on a value she has, and she wanted to stand for it. The motive behind option b, was based on a feeling of wanting it. The tricky part was that, hidden beneath her value was this little voice saying “if you take this option, you won’t have to be vulnerable, and that’s less scary”. I’ll share more with you tomorrow about how to uncover this, because sometimes it can be tough to hear that little voice, but my point today is this: often our fears are masked in our “values” (<—notice the quotes!). An easy way to spot them is when explaining the value becomes defending, or rationalizing. This often comes with an exacerbated tone of voice, an uncomfortable body sensation, and the need to explain it over and over, not only to yourself, but to everyone you talk to. Sometimes a rationalization disguises itself as a value, but is really just a tough defense for your fear. Not to say that your value isn’t relevant or real, but that when it’s current job is hiding a fear, it’s not in integrity, it’s not authentic.
If you’re having any trouble seeing which side of the equation you are on, be on the look out for rationalizations, excuses, and defenses. If you are truly standing in your values, you won’t need to defend. It will just flow from you.
*Per usual, one thing to note: that value may be something you do care about and want to cultivate, so seeing that it was jumping into defense mode can give you insight in to how to strengthen it. In other words, don’t let your fear discourage you from what you care about, but perhaps investigate what is needed to really stand for what you want to stand for. Sometimes we have to let go of some big fears for that to truthfully be possible. As always, step one is seeing it.
Good luck! ;)
With so much gratitude for this process and for you guys!