I have been working on something, personally, over the last couple of weeks. I’ve shared a bit about it over the last few blogs; in short, it is sort of an imbalance with control. I tend to swing from two ends of the spectrum, on one end I over-control, I grab hold of the situation and try to make things happen the way I think is best. On the other end of the spectrum, I don’t trust myself so I try to pawn off responsibility by being a people pleaser (see last post!). Essentially, I either shut other people down in an effort to maintain control, or I shut myself down in an effort to avoid control. That is a gross generalization, but it is essentially what it happening. Both of these scenarios happen from a place of fear, from a place of worry that it things won’t go as planned, or rather - that if they don’t go as planned, I won’t be good enough. (That’s the limiting belief that still gets me sometimes!). So, I over control to make it good enough, or I let other people control it so I can tell myself it was good enough, but it wasn’t actually my doing.
Phew. Heavy intro.
So why is this important? I am very aware of these patterns within myself. So much so, that now I’m at the point where I see it happening while I’m doing it! I can’t always totally stop it, but I am aware. But the thing is, every time they come up, I get frustrated with myself for still being there. The problem lies in the fact that in order to “deal” with it, I approach it with the same control imbalanced mindset. This control thing is built in to my system. So, I either try to control myself so much so that I’m no longer imbalanced (which of course doesn’t work because add control to a control problem, and what do you have? Umm…more control.) Or, I try to let other people take care of it, whether by speaking to them directly, or just blindly trusting them. Which also, usually, doesn’t work, because it’s not actually my truth, it’s me pushing it away.
Which brings me to my point. How do you actually let something go?
Well, you just let it go.
Unfortunately so. The answer is, to simply let it go. The more you think about it, dissect it, and try to prevent it from happening, the more the same issue shows its nasty face. Sort of like, the more you massage and stretch an injury, the more aggravated it gets. Sometimes, the body needs to be trusted to do it’s own healing.
Now, not to say that a deep awareness, an ability to direct your own habits and behaviors, and a willingness to push through uncomfortable patterns aren’t essential. They are! They absolutely are.
The acceptance of where you are is equally as important.
So instead of trying to control your control problem… (if I had a hand-to-face emoji, it would go here), see the problem, and accept it. Accept it for all that it does FOR you, including showing you the pattern. And let go of the reins. Remind yourself that you are whole and complete as is, and increase your awareness around the pattern, without judgement.
Be where you are. This self-development stuff is not about fixing, it’s about living. It’s about pushing yourself to be the best you can be, simply because you love yourself so much. It’s about full acceptance of ALL that is you, even the annoying stuff, and drive to be more authentic, and powerful.