Going home for the holidays this year was kind of bonkers for me. I felt overwhelmed with emotion, fear, frustration. And it took me some time to pinpoint what was going on, because it wasn’t really about the external circumstances - it simply awakened something in me.
Well, in reality, it awakened the part of me that had been asleep, or blind, to the fact that even though I’ve grown a lot - I still beat myself up to be good enough for someone else. My mom, my relationship, my career, anyone I feel intimidated by, the public, my students,…the list goes on. It’s not all the time, but this round of going home helped me identify the precise trigger, and take a NEW approach to stepping through it.
Since then, (and even since I filmed this vlog), I’ve LEFT a lot of the circumstances I was a part of BECAUSE of my trigger, and I feel lighter and more free than I’ve felt in a long time. I will speak to that soon, but in the meantime, take a look.
What feels unresolved between you and your family? Or, do you notice when you repeat familial patterns in your own life? In your relationships?
Freud’s theory that we date our parents (basically lol), is based on truth, right? We’ve spent our whole life, and specifically the part of our life where we are formed from a helpless baby, into a mature human being, learning to love in a very specific way. And whether that’s “good” or “bad”, it is still a learned pattern. So what patterns do you repeat? And how are they affecting you?
You get to decide what you stick with. What do you want in your life?
Start to honor your choice! Share below. I’d love to hear other experiences with this!