Goodness it’s hard to find the line between a GOAL, and a validation tactic.
But here’s the thing: if you’re going after a goal in order to attain something, like love, validation, approval, feeling worthy or good enough, etc, it’s no longer authentic. And besides the fact that I think it’s great to live an authentic life - this matters because when it’s not authentic, you are likely not ready to achieve that goal. So it either will not come at all, or it will come and you will not be able to maintain it.
I was listening to this incredible podcast the other day, (you should definitely check out the whole thing here) in which the speaker shared a concept from Kant, the philosopher. Essentially, he said the formula of humanity is something like, don’t treat anyone solely as a means, if they are not also an end. Essentially saying, don’t use people or circumstances solely for your personal gain, they must also be an end themselves.
And I think that applies not only ethically/morally speaking, but it applies when checking yourself on why you want something. Be honest - are you USING that thing to GET something?
This is tricky because your first answer is likely going to be NO, of course not! Plus, this rule doesn’t mean don’t enjoy the validation or approval or networking you obtain via some of your actions.
It does mean - get real about your why. And if you find that your why is based on using people or things to feel better about yourself, ask yourself, ‘Can I shift this? Or do I need to leave this goal altogether?’.
Share below! Good luck ;).