Don't distract the men.

Incredible humans,

With my course just a day away, a lot of thoughts, feelings, and topics are unearthing. Today, I took a stroll down memory lane, and here's where I landed.

When I went to Israel 5 years ago on my birthright, something that really struck me was how many of the temples separated men and women. But not only that, some of the temples restricted the women from singing, dancing, or being seen by the men. I sat in one particular service where the men were singing and dancing at the front in a big room, and the women were in a tiny back room, covered by a curtain, rocking in their chairs and mouthing the prayers in silence. 

As much as I didn't want to judge them, I'll be honest - it felt bleak. 
My heart broke, sitting in that room. 

When we discussed it in our birthright group later that evening, the reasoning we were told that women have to hide in the back was something like, "a woman's voice is too seductive. It distracts the men from their connection to God."

My 25 year old self tried to process this. 
You mean, women have to HIDE because a man might get turned on by her just generally being herself and praying at a temple?
Hmmm....

This moment was eye opening for me because, although I knew this stuff happened a lot in the past, and was happening in different parts of the world, I honestly didn't know it was happening right here in my culture (Jewish). And, in such a modern city. And while this is an extreme example of how patriarchy and the oppression of women lives...the more we look, the more we see that it is EVERYWHERE.

For example, at most middle and high schools, girls can't wear tank tops because the boys might find it distracting from their school work. 

As women, we are taught from a young age to hide pieces of ourselves, to ensure that we do not distract the men. 

NOW, when we think about dressing for a business meeting, we must make sure we dress "appropriately" right? But why is that? ....To not be distracting. 
When we hang out with a girlfriend and her boyfriend (or husband), we must control ourselves and behave. Why is that? To not be distracting, and pull attention. 
When we go out at night, or walk our dogs, we make sure we cover up our bodies. Why is that? To make sure we don't grab the attention of a man...who cannot control himself. 


Rawr.

Now, let me be clear: I am NOT saying wear mini skirts to your office, tease you friend's boyfriend, or go out late at night in your lingerie. (LOL)
No no.
To some extent - these choices are important and intelligent for the world we live in. 

(Nor am I saying that men are to blame. This is a SYSTEM.)

But what do we learn from these?
Don't be too much because men can't control themselves. 

Whether this is true, or whether we consciously think this or not, this is the message through which we must navigate our choices as women. 

As women, showing ourselves, is not safe.
As women, being ourselves, is not allowed.
As women, honoring our fullness, is potentially destructive. 

Or at least that's how our bodies perceive it. 
Because even though there are now MANY spaces that ARE safe, MANY men who ARE kind and accepting of us, and MANY laws and rules that are shifting - our nervous system doesn't totally know that.
And so, it still feels true. 
Deep parts of us still feel that we need to meet these standards. And it can be scary to release that.

------

WE CAN SHIFT THIS.

We get to start showing ourselves.
Not by forcing it.
Not by putting men down (we love you, men!).
Not by being reckless.

By connecting to our bodies.
By shifting our bodies' experience of safety and wholeness.
By sharing and listening with other women.
By opening up the possibility of what that looks like for ourselves, and for each other.

And guess what. We are doing all of this in my online course that begins TOMORROW. 
I hope you'll join me. 

Break up with your inner good girl.

SIGN UP HERE, or hit reply to this email and I'll get you all set up!

Hope to see you Sunday.
Love you,

Xo,
Jessie