I've been dancing

I’ve been dancing.

Every (single) day
I show up to my mat
I put on music
And I let the music affect my body.

I let my body respond to the music.

I used to only dance when I felt good.
There are days, when I really don’t “feel” like dancing,
And yet,
When I show up,
DANCE shows up.

Dance used to mean control.
Dance used to mean contort.
Dance used to mean perfect.
Dance used to mean perform.

But that is not DANCE.

DANCE
Now means spirit.
It now means divine.
It now means the pulse of life force beneath my skin.
It now means deep feminine power.
It means prayer.

It’s wild how different those two are.

Sometimes, I show up to my mat, and I override this.
I direct my body instead.
And this is lovely, too.

But it isn’t the prayer.

No.

When I show up to pray
My body gets moved.
It gets moved by that thing.
That unexplainable tingle of energy.
Divine, life force, shakti, kundalini, whatever you want to call it.
That thing.

You know that thing though.
It pulls on you all the time.
It’s the thing that “self-sabotages” a job you didn’t really want.
It’s the thing that tells you NO, while you say yes.
It’s the thing that moves you to try something new and magical.

And the thing is - it actually MOVES.
And we’ve been taught to sit still. Have good posture. Be put together.
Don’t make weird sounds. Don’t touch your body.
So every time that thing wanted to move, but we didn’t let it,
THAT ENERGY GOT STUCK IN THERE.

And when we don’t let it move,
It gets all twisted.
And it starts manipulating energy, and people.
It contorts our truth,
To become a sneaky little shadow that pulls the strings behind the scenes.

And it stays trapped like that in our bodies
And our energy fields
Until we let it move.

🐍

For the first month,
Almost every day I would show up to dance, I would be flooded with memories.
Memories of times I started to let this thing move,
But got embarrassed by the possibility of judgment, and shut myself down.

Now,
I show up to my mat to dance,
To pray,
To connect.
And as my body responds to the music,
Stories unravel.
Answers reveal themselves.
Approval of what is naturally surfaces.

I’m dancing.
Everyday.
And I’m becoming whole again.