Losing attention.

Losing attention.

So much of what I’ve always done, was to get or hold attention.

Even though it was always about something deeper...

It was still about getting attention too.

I like to separate myself from the people that shamelessly post selfies or pictures of their ass to show off..

But in truth, I was still doing it.

I knew that me doing handstands got more likes, and praise.
I knew that if I chose a freeze frame for my yoga video that was the most “advanced” hardest to do pose in the flow, more people would watch it (and then MAYBE they would listen to what I actually had to say).
I knew that excitement and hype attract more viewers.
I knew that if I didn’t draw people in in the first 15 seconds of my IGTV, they wouldn’t keep watching.

I learned the hooks.

But what I’m seeing now,
Which is what I always knew,
Is that as I post more honestly
(without the flash, the hype, the tease)
People fall off.

And as it’s happening,
A part of me, is disappointed.
A part of me wants to feel bad about it, and wish more people liked me in this more honest place.
A part of me wants to believe that those metrics are what is really important to who I am.

But the other part of me,
A louder one in fact,
Is so pleased.
Relieved even.
To not have to hold that weight.
To not have to write to those that are uninterested.
I spent so much energy focused on what’s gonna get the “best” response,
And now I get to spend that energy on what is true.

The other day,
A young man laughed at me for not wanting to go to some extravagant party, and told me my age was showing.
And I saw his ego blaring.
And I truly thought, what a relief, that I can live here on the ground now, and not have to take on the weight of his shame.

That is what this place feels like.
Less likes.
Less praise.
Less cool.

More richness.
More space.
More breath.
More love.
More rootedness.
More body.
More truth.

—

In IDENTITY, we work through the ways in which we see ourselves and show ourselves,
The ways in which we hide, fake, cover up, perform.
We process them.
And we start to lean into a deeper, embodied wisdom,
And present ourselves closer to how we really are.