My back went out.

My back went out.

Sacrum spasm galore.

I used to get back spasms ALL THE TIME.

Usually a combination of overdoing it in my body,
And an unaddressed emotional response.

(read “Healing Back Pain”)

Since they started to become a regular thing,
I started to pick up on patterns.

Oh, this one happened when I was stressed about a relationship.
This one happened when I was overwhelmed in dance.
Etc.

Then, I learned about chakras and geeked out even more.

Oh this one is lower because it’s about money,
This one is higher because it’s about my heart.

And so on.

And you know what,
I got pretty damn good at feeling it, “figuring out” what it was really about, and then “solving it.”

But you know what I also got really good at in the meantime?

Blaming myself for my pain.
Criticizing myself on what I did wrong that led to this pain.
Feeling like the injury was a punishment
(Even though I knew it wasn’t...)

Today, when I woke up and my back was pretty locked up,
I didn’t blame or criticize myself, or wonder what I did wrong to cause this pain.

Instead,
I immediately saw my expansion.
I immediately felt the SPACE being made in my sacrum,
To hold all of the MAGIC of my course,
And the energy it requires to stay present with the truth.
I immediately felt how BIG the pain was. How much sensation it was to hold.

And you know what else I felt?
I could have fixed it.
I could have done a yoga practice, engaged the right muscles, rolled out some other ones, breathed and mentalized what it was about...
And it would have felt better.

But that is NOT what this is about.
In fact,
It’s literally the opposite.

It’s not about feeling BETTER.
It’s about feeling THIS.

The pain.
The reality of what it feels like to hold all of this energy.

And to not cover it up with exercises and tools.
And to not avoid it by worrying about how I can fix it- instead of just being with it.

See- even our worries, are avoidance of what is.
Even our in our triggers, we find comfort and distraction from what’s here.

That’s not what this work is about.
It’s about what’s here.
It’s about presence.
It’s about capacity to hold what’s real.
Not deviate.

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We do this in IDENTITY
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