This is a woman

Lovely people,

Today I was reading a story about a woman. When she was in college, she met this man, who was a bit older, and he asked her out. She said no, she wanted to enjoy college. He tried again, she said no. He tried again, she said no. But within a few months, they were dating. She liked his body, she liked his maturity, so she decided to give it a try. 

Soon enough, they were getting pretty serious, and they simply drifted into being exclusive. But this man wasn't very sexual. She was always initiating sex, and he often declined. 

That made her feel like shit. 

She didn't leave him. But she did start occasionally seeing other men, on the side. With a don't ask don't tell kind of arrangement.

Not too long after, he proposed. At first she said no. Eventually she said yes because she thought it might make him more committed to having sex with her.

It didn't. 

They continued into marriage, she continued seeing other people. It  wasn't good, but it was manageable. It was her way of making the marriage work. 

They had two kids. A short while after the second kid, he started traveling a lot for work. They moved to the suburbs - she didn't want to, he convinced her.
In the suburbs she could no longer see other people. In fact, they only had one car, so she often literally could not leave the house. 

He was having sex with her less, and traveling more.
She was lonely and miserable.

Eventually, he admitted he wasn't traveling for work - but for his other girlfriend. He moved them to the suburbs so he could afford to do that, and make sure his wife stayed with his kids. 


I share this story (that I read in "Untrue" by Wednesday Martin) not for the statement on male versus female, not to discuss marriage or relationships or sex, but to point out a pattern.

This woman repeatedly said no, and then gave in. She REPEATEDLY ignored her voice.
She KNEW she didn't want to date him, but then she did it.
She KNEW she didn't want to marry him, but then she did it.
She KNEW she didn't want to live in the suburbs, but then she did it. 

And this is what we ALL DO.

We say it's "for the best", or "for him because I love him," or "what we have to do," and, "it's fine and I'm fine."

But the truth is, our inner voice KNEW THE WHOLE TIME. 

Now, the results are not always quite so bleak, because sometimes we can keep rationalizing our choices, or sometimes we hear our voice and we get out of the situation, or sometimes we get lucky and another door opens. 

But we all know this feeling. We've all leaned in to something we didn't really want or feel good about - but somehow got convinced, or rationalized ourselves into it.

In fact, I would bet that we all do this everyday.

And while, I think to some extent, that's life, that's normal, blah blah blah.

I also think this is a WOMAN SPECIFIC topic that we NEED TO ADDRESS. 

Why couldn't she listen to HER OWN "NO" from the beginning?

IT'S NOT because she's weak, or she caved.
And it's also not because she changed her mind.

It's bigger than that. 

It's a system.
It's built in to our society - meaning - our political structure, our social structure, and our financial structure.
AND
It's built in to our nervous systems - meaning - her body HAD to respond that way because of how it's been trained. (Yes, it HAD TO. I'm not kidding. I will back this up when you take my course.)

This is not a "HER" problem.

This is for us to do, TOGETHER.


I want US to make our choices based on what is TRUE in our heart and soul. 
I want US to make our moves in the world based on what MATTERS TO US, not what we think we "should" do, or HAVE TO DO. 
I want US to speak our VOICE.

Because what we actually have to say is deep.
Powerful.
And fucking BEAUTIFUL. 

We feel the REALNESS, but we were told not to.
We understand how to feel others, but we were told to toughen up.
We understand how to feel ourselves, but we were told not to cry.
We understand how to tap into our body's magical powers, but we were told to behave.
We understand how to break loose the parts, deep within our soul, that are calling out to make meaningful change in the world, but were told to be quiet.

We have too much to say to keep silencing, ignoring, hiding ourselves.

No more ignoring this part of you.


Join me in BREAKING UP WITH YOUR INNER GOOD GIRL, an online course that begins March 15. 

We will be diving in to what it really means to be true to ourselves.
We will be processing the parts of us that cover up our truth in order to live up to external standards.
We will be embodying what it means to be WHOLE. 

Hear your own voice.
Feel your truth, and learn how to trust it.

Sign up by Sunday (March 1) to save some $$. 

IF YOU SIGN UP WITH A FRIEND YOU EACH GET AN EXTRA $25 OFF. WE MUST DO THIS TOGETHER. (Hit reply to this email to get the link for this special price!)

Join me now.
Learn more.
Ask questions.

Love you.

Xo,
Jessie