Being "GOOD"
Lovely humans,
I've been thinking a lot about this whole "being good" thing.
It seems the more I try to be good at something, the further away I get from that thing.
The more I tried to be a good gymnast, the more afraid I was by each movement, and every correction from my coaches.
The more I tried to be a good student, the less passionate and engaged I was with the material.
The more I tried to be a good dancer, the further I was from honestly expressing myself through movement.
The more I tried to be good at yoga, the less connected I was with the practice itself.
The more I tried to be a good women for a man, the less I was able to listen to my own instincts.
The more I tried to be good at sex, the less pleasurable it was for me.
The more I tried to be a good friend, the more insecure I was about my truth.
It seems, every time we attempt to be "good" at something, for the sake of being good, we lose contact with the actual thing we are trying to do.
And, as much as we want to be driven and focused on being better at something for the sake of that SOMETHING, it always seems to get caught in "being good" at it.
Uuuf.
Feels like quite a predicament.
Because here's the thing: WE LIKE TO BE GOOD.
WE LOVE VALIDATION.
WE LIKE TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL GOOD.
WE LIKE AWARDS, GOOD GRADES, BOOKING THE JOB (or whatever form that comes in for you).
WE LIKE TO BE LIKED.
As women, this is especially true, as it has been painted as our duty: to make others feel good, to be liked, to be a "good girl."
And this is fine, and all just a part of being a human with an ego.
But so much of this drive to be good comes from a threat response. From a fear of NOT being liked, NOT be seen as good, NOT being pretty or good looking, NOT being approved of, etc.
The PRESSURE of being good, becomes a form of DANGER in our system.
So often, we are operating as if there is constant threat: threat of not being good. And while threat can be motivating, it inevitably takes us further away from ourselves, and our true purpose.
What's it like when we just listen to ourselves, instead of the NEED to be GOOD?
I think sometimes we fear that then we won't care about anything. We will just be lazy slobs if there is no motivation to be good at anything.
But I beg to differ.
The more we tap into our WHOLENESS, our sense of safety within ourselves, the less we NEED to be good, and the more we can truly access not only our potential to actually do those amazing things that we want to, but also our deepest desires and values.
If we feel safe and whole - trust me - we will not want to DO nothing.
When we feel safe and whole - we have the capacity to BE who we want to be, without the threat of being good enough. We have the capability to speak up, to create, and to move people with our truths. We have the lightness within ourselves to inspire and make an impact in the world.
The threat of NEEDING to be good enough is what stops us from hearing our own voice, and using it.
And the shift out of threat and into safety?
It's through the body.
Join me on Friday for a FREE ONLINE CLASS about Speaking Your Truth as a Woman. Class will be LIVE on ZOOM at 11 am PST.
Sign up here.
We will begin to unravel this need to be good, and start to find what's real within us.
This is for you if you...
feel you bump into the fear of not being good enough, being judged, or doing it "wrong"
get confused or off-track with your discipline to succeed in certain areas
feel hesitation in knowing and fulfilling on your purpose
want to be more connected to your body's natural rhythms
get frustrated with needing to perform or present to the world via social media, dating, etc.
are ready to embody your truth on a new level
I hope to see you there.
Love you.
Xo,
Jessie
Also, we begin my first online course: BREAKING UP WITH YOUR INNER GOOD GIRL on March 15, where we get to dive into this material in depth. Are you ready to break up with this need to be good?