I'm hard.

Just a few months ago

I wrote about being squishy.

About my body softening

Responding appropriately to the times

So it could reshape and adapt to a new way of being.

And since then

I’ve been building.

I’ve been building strength and sturdiness in slowly,

Keeping all the new-found space from the squishy-ness

Keeping all the widening I embodied this past year.

I’ve been slowly adding structure to my schedule again.
I’ve been lifting weights (only 1-2 times a week), slowly adding in muscle mass.

And it worked!

In the last two months,
My body has been able to hold the full extent of my desire
And purpose
And fulfillment

In a way I have never known.

I mean, I’ve actually felt like “I made it”
Not because I’ve gotten anywhere in specific

But because I can feel myself fully.

✨

But then,

I started noticing all this sturdiness
Getting hard.
Rigid.
Tight.

I started feeling my body close in on itself.
Restricting all that space that I had built around.

So I paused.
Well...
I paused every chance I could,
In between the busyness that I had created.

And slowly,
Gently,
My body started to soften again.

See,
This is a rhythm
Not a goal.

The truth is,
I don’t want to be soft
Or hard.

I want to be wide.
Full.
Honest.
Present.
Rooted in the moment.
Flexible for the next.

I want to be ALL OF IT.

So
I’ve hardened a bit.
And I’m softening now.
And I might build again tomorrow.

The real truth is...

I’m committed to staying engaged with what needs to be at each moment.

And I’m so thankful that I can feel it inside of me, and trust it.

Where are in your journey? Are you building, or deconstructing? Creating new or letting go? And how do you know?

💭