hi all,

i’ve decided to step away from this work after 10+ years of navigating the deep spaces of the psyche, soma, and spirit.

it feels like retiring, in that it feels like i’ve done what i was meant to do in this aspect of my life, and it is time to move on to other things.

stepping away feels like peace. like love. like quiet.

for a long time i bought into the story that this was me playing small, or avoiding my calling. it’s part of what kept me coming back again and again.

but recently, finally, i’ve come to a non-negotiable contentment inside of myself, that any argument against it loses pretty quickly.

and while i’ve certainly gone through emotional fluctuations over the last 8 months of making this decision, what this ultimately tells me is this:

this work, worked.

i didn’t even quite know i was trying to arrive to this place of deep existential peace until it arrived, and didn’t leave.

but once it came, i knew i could not go back.

i thank this work.

the many many years of traversing the deepest darkest corners of myself. of looking in the shadows. of facing the dark.

unraveling patterns, piecing together broken parts of me, healing and listening.

during this time my mantra was always some version of ‘i’m willing’. i’m willing to do the work. i’m willing to go there.

i’m willing to feel the pain and the fear and whatever else i need to touch to transform.

i’m endlessly grateful for my willingness.

and, i’m no longer willing.

i see now that the willingness was rooted in necessity. i needed to be willing because i could not live inside myself without it.

that is no longer true.

i live inside myself with a fullness and a love that does not require the intensity it once did.

and so i will no longer create it. i will no longer participate in it.

this is a deeply personal choice and i do not wish to project it onto anyone else’s needs, desires, or callings.

but i know my calling has shifted.

i now work for my mom’s company, which has supported me and much of our family for our entire lives.

i feel like i am part of a legacy. a simple one. a sweet one. a steady one.

the work is straightforward. we print logos on gear for companies and corporate events.

like much of my life these days, it is rhythmic and repetitive.

i like it.

my partner and i moved to a house that is ocean front. it is a crummy little house that falls apart constantly in the face of the salty air and the jungle around us.

but i love it.

its dirty, and raw. the constant and wild white noise of the ocean waves is exactly what i need.

i haven’t been in silence in months and i don’t miss it.

i feel i am in rightness with my nature in more ways than one. not just literally being in nature, but also there has been a becoming of myself i’ve never let myself have.

i’m not trying to be anything other than what i am for the first time.

it’s an active, but calm, stance. it feels like the gentle blooming of a flower.

there is an alertness and a participation in my life, but there is no force.

there is action and accountability, but i have given so much of my trust to god, and life, and taken off much of the control i was previously giving to myself.

a peak into my life: i still have dojo (my dog) and chica (my cat), and we’ve added a new kitten, totopo (aka topo chico, polo polo, o chico little).

i do kundalini yoga everyday on my yoga deck smack dab in front of the crashing waves.

i soak in our dipping pool that samuel built overlooking the sunset.

i drink wine again, sometimes, and i cook myself delicious meals (my favorite is mashed potatoes with ground beef and veggies).

i read fiction. a lot. i sit in my acapulco chair and read for hours with the breeze on my skin.

i sit in front of my laptop + a second monitor managing spreadsheets, putting in uniform orders, and talking to customers.

a cuddly totopo crawls on me non stop and i throw him off. he comes back and purrs loudly in my ear or on my chest.

i am one with the bugs. mosquito bites kiss my skin most of the time.

samuel and i sit for hours theorizing about god, and life. we are finding a union i can sense but know i cannot rush.

i see children in my future, and wish to pass along my wisdom and teachings to the beings i bring into the world.

i’ve stopped sharing on instagram. i enjoy the privacy and the intimacy in my real life.

i’m writing a script with a long-term client and good friend, and still hope to share this work with the world in new ways.

i hope to write a book.

these are the things i’m doing.

i will be gone from the internet realms and i will miss you, and the very real connections we have made here, but i am ready to move on.

if you wish to work with me still, i am offering a few of my programs to you, for you to purchase and have forever.

you can do them on your own time, in your own way, and enjoy some of the wisdom of this beautiful journey.

if you’d like to explore these options, click below.

otherwise, it’s with so much love and joy i say

goodbye.

it has been fun.

i will see you again, in another way, soon.

xoxo

Jessie

written august 23, 2025